Friday Fight Day: Attack of the Animals

The following exchange has been carefully translated from a forum between several of the most famous dogs and cats in literature. The arguments got quite ferocious to a point where I felt it necessary to give you a warning before you read the following: if you speak either dog or cat and are easily offended by either passive-agressiveness, lewd catchphrases, or constant swearing, skip over the following text. Thank you.

>*Woof* *Woof, woof* *Bark, bark, arooooooooo*

>*MEOW* *HISS* *HISSSSSS*

> *Aroo?* *Bark, bark, woolf*

> *Meoow. Meow. Meoow meow meow meow.* …. *hiss.*

> *Grrrrrr.*

> *Meow, son of a bitch.* …. *Meow, hehehe, purr. Literally. hehe. Er, too much human language. They’re onto us! Meow!*

(End of Exchange)

So, as you can clearly see, this is not only a battle that has raged on for ages, it’s a battle that can become as vicious as it is brutal. Luckily, you have me here to moderate the fighting. It’s going to be a clean one, you hear me? No claws! Anyways, let’s introduce today’s contestants.

*Dun, dun, dunnnnn*

On one side of the ring, we have:

The Cats

With those marble eyes, curling tails, and twitchy whiskers, these ferocious felines won’t back down until the world knows that they make the perfect pet in the world of books. To represent their culture, we invited three iconic cat examples into the ring:

1. The Cheshire Cat from Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland – creepy, crazy, mischievous, and aloof, this cat will make you want to dump his saucer of milk on top of his head, but not before you give him a good petting.

2. Angus from Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging – an adorable monster sized cat who loves to taunt the neighbors, flirt with other cats, and drop mice onto your bed sheets, this cat will annoy others (including your parents) but will love you!

3. The Cat in the Hat – An anthropomorphized rendition of a cat, the Cat in the Hat has always scared me more than he’s endeared me. But, he’s one of the most notorious cats around, and besides, he forged an invitation and stuffed the other cat into the closet. So…he’s here to stay. 

As the cats make their preening entrance, the lights go brighter on the other side, and to the blaring music of “Who Let the Dogs Out” our three counterparts make their entrance.

The Dogs

1. Tock from The Phantom Tollbooth – A self-proclaimed “watchdog” (because he’s a clock, hehe) this dog is a central part to the Phantom Tollbooth, one of the best children’s books around. He is sarcastic, protective, and one of the loyalest characters in the book.

2. Toto from The Wizard of Oz – The cutest and fluffiest terrier this side of Kansas. He’s a faithful pal to Dorothy, and goes through all their obstacles without a sign of complaint, lending his strength to hers.

3. Cujo from Cujo – Okay, okay, okay. So he killed a couple of people. But to be fair, it wasn’t him, it was the rabies, alright? Otherwise I’m sure he’d be a perfectly agreeable, fluffy little guy.

 First move goes to…the CAAAAAAAAATS. Please pick a representative to give a short statement about why your species is the species to be crowned winner!

<The Cats choose The Cat in the Hat to go up>

Cat in the Hat:

“People say dogs are a man’s best pal,

but listen up, you’re rather dull.

We cats we are so fun and sassy,

your only adventurer was Misses Lassie.”

<The Dogs choose Toto> 

“Since when is drinking milk and purring so impressive? You cats sit around and are of no help. In fact, you usually make times worse for those who need it most. We dogs, on the other hand, have something to boast…and now your stupid rhyming is getting to me.”

<Angus comes up> 

“We might not be the most eager to please, but neither is your friend Cujo, and let’s not blame some disease.”

<Cujo>

“I eat cats like you for breakfast.”

<Angus>

“Bite me.”

<Tock>

“Cats are soooo original.”

…brief pause while everyone sorts themselves out. Everyone is given either some milk or a dog treat to calm back down…

Me: Now listen, folks, everyone knows that both cats and dogs are awesome creatures. That’s not what we’re arguing. We’re trying to find out who is the best companion! Let me sum up some points.

Benefits of Cats in Literature: They often provide comic relief, such as in the case of Angus in Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging (although the whole book is comic relief) and Fat Louie in the Princess Diaries. They are usually more mischievous than the dogs, more prone to cause trouble, and more likely to make the story interesting. They sauce things up!

Benefits of Dogs in Literature: They are their archetype. They are portrayed as loyal, brave, and the perfect companion. They will stick by your side through the worst of times, just as they’ll be there to share the love in the best of times. They can be a bit stereotypical at times, but they’ll still stick with ya, always. Plus, they’re adorable!

Downsides of Cats: The Cat in the Hat is horrendous. I do not know what he is. But he is  terrifying. He haunts children’s dreams, I’m sure of it. Also, cats will often mislead people and throw them off the beaten path. And, there’s a reason Lassie and Old Yeller were dogs. Cats aren’t that selfless, you know?

Downsides of Dogs: They aren’t as interesting as cats. They have their stock character, and don’t deviate that far from it unless they have a case of rabies or the like.

Now, after hearing from both sides, which side is to be crowned the winner?

<dun, <span=”” class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”” data-mce-bogus=”1″>dun, dun>

Today’s Friday Fight Day Winner has to be…

THE CATS 

I am so sorry, Belle (my dog). Although I am much more of a dog person in real life, cats as a companion in literature just has to be the winner today. While dogs are friendly and endearing and ridiculously accident prone, cats bring that vital spark into so many novels. They are fiercely independent, and so can come in and off the page when they feel like it, bringing that sauciness that so many books would suffer without.

IMG_1379

 

(My dog is very upset by this decision)

Soooo…what do you think? Do you think the cats or the dogs should have been crowned winner of today’s Friday Fight Day? Give me your reasoning, and suggest topics for upcoming Friday Fight Days! As always, I appreciate you stopping by 🙂 

 

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